Of Dwarves and Men

Macho Rebel from Earth: Are those... tattoos?

Dwarven Warrior: No. Shows off the markings on his arms These...these are runes.

MRfE: What are runes? They look like tattoos to me.

DW: They are symbolic markings etched into the skin or into a weapon, infused with magical power. Very traditional.

MRfE: So they're magical tattoos which both you and your weapons can get. Can I get one for my car?

DW: They're not tattoos! Wait what?

MRfE: Well you said weapons could get them too. My car technically could be used as a weapon. Please!

DW: NO! Runes are not tattoos, and THEY'RE NOT BUMPER STICKERS EITHER!

MRfE: Fine. At least tell me I can get one for my gun.

DW: What's a gun?

MRfE: explains

DW: eyes widen in excitement, manic gleam enters his eyes, rubs his hands together gleefully. Give me the gun, I'll inscribe the rune, and you'll have a magical gun which shoots magic bullets!

MRfE: Wait...give you the gun? stumbles back, eyes widen in horror.

DW: Smirks smugly Yeah. How else am I supposed to upgrade your gun into a magical gun?

MRfE: Couldn't you...teach me how to do it?

DW: glares at MRfE Our traditional rune-smithing techniques have been passed down in our clan for countless generations! We don't just hand them out to outsiders!

MRfE: Then let me join your clan! Please!

Narrator: At this point the timeline splits. What happens next depends on MRfE's romantic/sexual preferences and on the true sex/gender of DW. MRfE can't tell dwarven women apart from dwarven men. If MRfE is into men, he'll marry into the clan and feel right at home among his kin. But if he's not into men he'll run away screaming.

 

Moral of the story: Dwarven warriors are graceless brutes obsessed with their weapons and machines who are terrible at picking up dates, but they will always stand firm in defense of their own. Also something about immigrants and foreigners and how they're not so different from us after all.

If Magical McGuffins Were Realistic

Old Wizard: They are powerful magical artifacts which can be used to accomplish great things. But in the wrong hands they spell disaster.

Hero: What is the nature of their power?

OW: They grant their welders godlike power over the world, the power to threaten even gods into obeying your command, lest they face annihilation. They do this by threatening to turn entire cities to less than ashes in the blink of an eye, cursing the land so nothing can be built on it again for hundreds of years! Such a threat can sway the hearts and minds of Men far more efficaciously than any ordinary spell or potion. And in the wrong hands, it is not merely a threat.

Hero: That sounds evil. We should destroy these artifacts!

OW: But wouldn't you like to have the power to make gods obey you? You could enforce great changes for the betterment of mortalkind."

Hero: See no evil hear no evil speak no evil.

OW: Also, there aren't just seven of these artifacts, there are tens of thousands of them. And if you dont have any, other kingdoms will bully you into doing whatever they say.

Hero: Fine, where can I get one of these things?

OW: You can build one yourself if you have the right materials and the right equipment.

Hero: I see, so this is a quest?

OW: No! You must not. It is forbidden! One of the darkest arts.

Hero: Forbidden by who?

OW: By the kingdoms who own the most of these artifacts.

Hero: But I'm not part of their kingdoms! Their law doesnt apply to me!

OW: Yes it does! Do you want to be annihilated by their godlike powers!?

Hero: ...No.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MacGuffin